What do your xmas decs get up to?

Two Christmas decorations having a conversation!

‘Bloody hell, Tortola, I’m totally knackered. Can’t wait to get back in the box.’

‘What’s that you’re sayin’ Gorda?’

‘Oh, I can’t be bothered, been up and down like the vicar’s knickers.’

‘The Vickers knickers? I think you mean the Whore’s Drawers.’

‘Wash yer mouth out, Tortola!’

‘Oh, okay, the vicar’s knickers it is.’

‘Something like that, 20 years up and down, in the box, out of the box, in the attic, out of the attic.’

‘But that’s our job, Gorda, we get out so we can be put up. We remind her of the islands. Of her honeymoon.’

‘Yeah, for the first five years we were always top of the tree, front left. Then top of the tree front right. Then when his mum started to visit we were moved.’

‘Aah, yes to bottom of the tree out of line of sight of the new mother-in-law. Gorda, what was her name?’

‘I don’t know and I don’t care, Tortola. She took one look at us, tutted and said something about hideous tourist crap. I may have been sold in a tourist shop in the BVI’s but I was proud to represent my island. Proud to be a Virgin Gorderer!’ 

‘Is that even a word, Gorda?’

‘Well I’ll be damned, course it is. Us Gorderers are very proud people. Do you know where she found you?’

‘No, not sure that I can remember that far back.’

‘She found you at the airport, Tortola, said she wanted two of us, two boats. One for her and one for him and we’ve been together all this time.’ 

‘I love that we’re together in the box all year, and then, when its time for us to shine, we’re on the tree together again.’

‘And now? Where are we, Tortola?’

‘Back of the tree, Gorda.’

‘Ooh the shame of it. I’m tired, Tortola. I wish she would give me away, give me to a family with children. They’d love me.’


‘Yes, Tortola?’

‘Do you think they’d love me too?’ 

‘Sure of it.’ 

This piece was written in a new writing group which I joined for a day on 20th December 2020. The story follows two decorations that appeared in a piece I wrote last year, but I had more fun with it this year and challenged myself by keeping it purely dialogue. 

I do have two small boats which I bought in the British Virgin Islands and every year my husband looks forward to seeing them go on the tree. The rest of the story is pure fiction, they are always central front of the tree as a reminder of our honeymoon!

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