I wonder if, when and how we will come out of this lockdown.

I have learnt so much about the people around me and about myself.

Sadness grips my heart, I feel deep distress and I wonder if it will ever lift.

I am thankful for some amazing people who keep me going.

Some days, I wonder how I will climb out from under my deep sense of despair!

So I distract myself, I write, I create and when I can, I work.



Day 12

I remember the three-day week and the resultant power cuts, which ran from 1st January to 7th March 1974. I was about 15 and I thought my world had ended. No light to read by, no tv and it was dark and cold. I remember wondering how my world had become so small.

Fast forward 46 years. I am on lockdown at home with my husband. We went into lockdown 4 days before the PM asked people to stay at home. The reasons don’t really matter.

Its different in so many ways, we have heat, light, entertainment, and we have space. We are learning a new way of living and luckily we like each other! I can’t imagine what it would be like to be locked into a home with a partner I disliked. Its fair to say that even though we love each other and understand one another well, we still, occasionally, piss each other off!

We are both busy working, but from home. Both learning how to use an array of video conferencing tools such as Teams, Zoom, FaceTime. We never really got into using these before now. We never had the time!

I worry for the youngsters and for the very old. People of my generation and just a bit younger probably needed to slow down a little. The youngsters will remember this for the rest of their lives and it is my hope that they will have positive memories. Hopefully memories of intimate conversations with parents, fun activities, creativity and freedom like they have never known before. I fear for the children for whom School was an escape from abuse, hunger and boredom. I fear for older people who will be missing time with their grandchildren, people who may be spending the last portion of their lives alone, possilby in a state of anxiety.

I am doing a video log to track my own moods and reflections on this part of my life. Its not for publication but I hope it will see me grow and change in a positive way.

Theatre is my passion and I was lucky enough to go to lots of productions in January and early February. The last one was La Boheme at the Royal Opera House and there were many spare seats. At the time, I wondered if it was because of the flight restrictions from China – totally random thought –  it was probably more to do with it being a midweek matinee. I had loads of stuff booked for March, April and May but now these will cancel. I am however, surprised and delighted that various companies are sharing content online for free. Royal Court, National Theatre and the Royal Opera House. All I had in 1974 was a dark, cold bedroom where going to sleep was the only option.

As we are in total lockdown we are not shopping and we have been let down by Ocado, twice. Today we were expecting our first delivery of fresh chicken but they removed it from the contents without offering an alternative. I will never use Ocado again after this crisis is over. Their customer support is appalling and after one tweet and several emails to try to rebook my first cancelled order I had comms from 13 people, not one of whom followed the situation through. Today would have been a kick in the teeth if I hadn’t found alternatives. So something I am learning is that you must not procrastinate, if you have an idea follow it through and act immediately. I have now ordered from my local butcher; having lost all his restaurant work he is happy to do local small deliveries. Its expensive but its fresh and will last me for a week or so.

Creativity is helping me, sewing is a passion and I do it most days. I am finishing projects and starting new ones. At this rate I may get through my stash before the Lockdown finishes.  Today I will do my first Zoom watercolour course and I am really excited about it. I hope that it will be the first of many. My book group will meet tomorrow evening at 8pm to discuss The Presidents Hat – one of my favourite books. Its a great group and we will all struggle with the tech but we will all support each other.

I am lucky.

It is now day 45 and nothing much has changed!

Still Nothing!

Its been over a month since my last post and I have nothing that I want to write about!

I have emotions, experiences, and thoughts. Some of them are too raw to share with others so I have nothing to write about!

Today I saw a post on Facebook, I think it came from some editorial in the Telegraph, but didn’t bother to follow the trail. It suggested that all the blogs and banter about being motivated in Lockdown gets on people’s nerves. The good news, is that I can’t offer motivational tips. Not one thing!

My experience of the lockdown? Well, there are good days and there are bad days. The good days significantly outweigh the bad days, I am lucky!

What makes a good day? Well, that’s easy, its a kind word from my husband or a message from a friend, colleague or a family member. Its having fresh fruit and vegetables to eat. It is being able to take a warm bath or to have a hot shower. It is going outside, even for a few minutes to spend time in my garden. Its having books to read and films to watch. Its having the internet and people to talk to on Zoom, FaceTime or Skype. I know, I am lucky!

I have nothing inspiring to write about at the moment, but I am trying, I am doing writing exercises,  participating in online courses, thinking and working through some of my notes from earlier classes. But I still come up with nothing!

I will keep trying, after all I am just a work in progress myself.

Much love to any readers.



39 People died

39 people from the Far East; we were told they lived in one of the largest countries in the world, but later we heard it was Vietnam; decided to make a treacherous journey to get to Europe. We don’t know their reasons for making the journey, we assume they were economic migrants.

39 people hoped for a new life in the UK. Some people would say they chose us because of our benefits system.

39 people so believed in their future they were prepared to pay over fifteen thousand euros to get here. It was money they did not have, and we understand families mortgaged their land to raise the funds.

39 people left mothers, fathers, maybe partners and children behind. We can’t imagine what they had to do to get ready to travel nearly 8000 miles on a terrible journey.

39 people sat in the back of lorries, maybe they talked and definitely they dreamed of a better life. Young women and men with burning ambitions. Each of them would need to earn money they could send home.

39 people experienced pain, discomfort, cruelty and I hope they also experienced some acts of kindness on the journey.

39 people sat quietly, phones turned off, in the back of a refrigerated lorry as the temperature plummeted to -20, so they would not be found. Their bodies started to shake, they may have cuddled each other to warm up, they struggled to breathe and slowly they watched as one by one of their fellow travellers slipped away.

39 people made an 8000 mile treacherous journey to get into the UK.

39 people died in a refrigerated container on a road in Essex in October.

They were 39 people who didn’t know that the UK is broken.

Who will remember them?

Loving the light

I am loving the light and maybe I will try a bookcase next


Quilting magic

Last year I bought some fabric when I was in Vancouver and decided to try out a disappearing nine box quilt. Its my first. Took longer than I expected because I found I hated some of the fabric – I don’t like yellow!

Anyway, I persevered and finally finished the quilt top this weekend.





I met with a friend today and we got to talking about writing. I mentioned that I hadn’t written anything for my novel since August 2018. I explained that I had decided I needed to read more, to help with my writing. What I later realised was August was also when I wrote my last blog. That came as a bit of a shock. In our conversation I realised that since I left the Falkland Islands I didn’t really know what the purpose of this blog would be. Today I decided to keep it going. Its my blog of my personal journey and I will be posting more stuff about where that journey takes me.

When it was suggested that if I wanted to write well I needed to read more I guess something happened to the writing bit of the equation.  If you see my earlier blog about the guilt I feel when I spend time reading then you know its been a big ask.

Last year I set a mad goal of reading 60 books by June of this year. I am only 15 books into the challenge, so I still have a way to go. My strategy for selecting books is a mix of going into  a shop and asking for recommendations; pick up an interesting looking thin book in a charity shop or the cheapest and best option is to pick one from my shelves of unread books.

My top five reads so far?

Airforce One is Down John Dennis. – found in a thrift store on Vancouver island

Home Fires Kamila Shamsie – given to me by a good friend

An Unfortunate Woman Richard Brautigan – again given to me by a lovely friend

Summer Crossing Truman Capote – I don’t know it was on the shelf

and my absolute most favourite is The Presidents Hat by Antione Laurain – which was recommended in an independent book shop in Richmond.